Profiles of Discourage: Chris Henry

To be a Cincinnati Bengals fan, one of the losingest (I said it) teams in any sport of the past 18 years, is similar to being depantsed and forced to sit on a saguaro cactus every day while listening to John Mayer non-stop on a pair of Shure SE310 Sound Isolating Earphones. In 2005 the godforsaken franchise drafted a talented young wide receiver from West Virginia in the 3rd round who did nothing but catch touchdown passes and get arrested. Alas after arrest number five in April, the Bengals decided to part ways with the young man. Oh but the story doesn’t end there. The court ruled a mistrial and the assault charges were thrown out. T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Chad Johnson both got hurt. Nobody after that on the depth chart decided to step up. The Bengals receiving corps was in disarray to say the least. Then on Tuesday, August 19th it was official. Despite a 4 game suspension to start the season, Mr. Chris Henry is back in Orange and Black stripes. The following is a 10 point tribute to the man who may potentially be able to turn water into wine:

1. Against Rutgers in 2005, Chris Henry caught a 39 yard TD pass in the back of the end zone, and landed on the ground with the cornerback covering him on top. Chris, feeling that the man did not get off of him quick enough (and how could you after lying on his thin, rail-like frame of man-goodness) decided to throw the ball at him and then kick his leg out from under him. While walking to the locker room (he was kicked out of the game for his actions) he raised his middle fingers to salute the Rutgers crowd. Chris was kicked off the team shortly thereafter.

2. In the history of the NFL, he is the player to look most like a Saluki. It has also been noted, quite accurately, that Henry also looks eerily similar to D-Roc, of the Ying Yang Twins.

3. He scored a 9 on the Wonderlic Test given to all players before the NFL Draft. Wonderlic, Inc. says that a score of at least 10 suggests a person is literate. Unfortunately, Chris cannot claim this distinction.

4. In 3 seasons Chris had 88 receptions, 17 going for TDs. That’s a rate of 1 TD every 5.17 catches. In comparison, Randy Moss has a career Rec/TD ratio of 6.24 and Cincy’s own Chad Johnson 11.4. The sample size is smaller for Chris, but it’s obvious the talent was there.

5. In college he majored in Athletic Coaching. We are all waiting for the day he completes his degree and coaches all of our sons in Pop Warner football.

6. On West Viriginia, Chris was teammates with a stud cornerback who would be drafted in the top 10 of the 2005 draft. Upon both players entering the NFL, Adam “Pacman” Jones (the cornerback) and Chris Henry have tried to outdo each other in terms of breaking the law. The race has been too close to call. All we can hope for is that they will one day be teammates again in the NFL and wreak havoc together. Pacman can also be credited for bringing the term “making it rain” into the mainstream media.

7. In 2006 against the Steelers (our biggest rival), Chad Johnson had 5 receptions for 64 yards and 0 TDs in 2 games. Chris Henry had 9 receptions for 193 yards and 3 TDs. Proof he showed up in big games. Stats for 2007 were not included because Henry was suspended by the NFL for the first 8 games for repeatedly being in trouble with the law.

8. First arrest in December 2005. Pulled over for speeding and found with marijuana in his shoes. This is not a crime. Throughout the years many people have stored marijunana in their shoes because the soft, sticky feel adds a certain level of comfort. And let’s face it wouldn’t you want your shoes smelling like fresh greenery instead of dirty socks? Shame on you state of Kentucky for booking him on this.

9. Second arrest in January 2006. Multiple gun charges and aggravated assualt with a firearm. The icing on the cake here is that we was wearing a REPLICA of his own jersey at the time of his arrest. Take a second to think about that, and then realize why this man is a true master and deserves all of our respect.

10. After being arrested 5 times since the end of 2005, the Cincinnati Bengals cut WR #15 – Chris Henry on April 3, 2008. THEN after a mistrial was declared, “Slim” was re-signed to the team on August 19, 2008. Some say he might not be worth the trouble. But Chad Johnson said it best – “Dude is good.”

Chris – thanks for 25 games in 3 years and almost throwing away your extremely promising career. Your first game back is against the Cowboys who now have your old buddy Pacman starting at cornerback. The only way to finish writing this script is 150 yards and 2 TDs. Good luck, kind sir.

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One Response to Profiles of Discourage: Chris Henry

  1. […] >> wonderlic Alex Smith and Aaron Rodgers: a look back Saved by buntspecht on Sat 01-11-2008 Profiles of Discourage: Chris Henry Saved by ibuansary on Sat 01-11-2008 Take the Wonderlic Test – Wonderlic Exam Scores Tell You […]

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