Google Loses Mojo, Tries to Get On Yours

August 26, 2008

An Op-Ed on Monday’s Computer World website cried that Google had lost its mojo and tried to convince me that I should care.  The piece went on to talk about Google’s decision to increase the price of child care for its employees and the 34% decrease in its stock price.  Except I could never get a job at Google, hate everyone I ever met who worked for the corporation, and don’t own any stocks.  But then I asked Google a reasonably easy question and its responses shocked me.

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Takes Balls to Bring Vampires to HBO

August 25, 2008

Reprinted below is an article that originally appeared on the blog TV on the INTERNETS on August 10, 2007.

I believe there are 2 main reasons why Vampire shows have been relatively nonexistent on television over the past few years. First, no one wants to be compared to Buffy. And second, a show about vampires in the age of new media is begging for an unoriginal blogger with a Typepad business account to make a “This Show Sucks (Blood)” headline.

Leave it to Alan Ball, however, to grab the undead by the incisors and bring True Blood to HBO come January 2008.

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Postmodern Postmortem

August 25, 2008

[Title of Show], Tropic Thunder and the Problem with Postmodern Performance

For those of you too uninformed or straight to know what [Title of Show] is it’s a musical currently running on Broadway about the creation of a Broadway musical. In the musical, two guys decide to write a musical for the New York Musical Theater Festival about two guys deciding to write a musical for the New York Musical Theater Festival. As the completed musical moved from the NYMF to the off-Broadway Vineyard Theater to the Broadway theater, the Lyceum, its creators added material to the show to reflect its growth. The Blogging equivalent would be:

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Wh(Y) Science and the Media Don’t Mi(X)

August 25, 2008

Let me tell you a secret. Science is ruining your life. It’s ruining your friendships; it’s ruining your relationships; and it’s ruining whatever potentially fruitful conversation you could be having tonight. Why? Because we, as humans, as Americans, are all retarded and will always allow science to speak for us. How many times have you been engaged in a civil conversation when someone drops that F bomb? FACT. Fact is, studies say, science has prooooooooven…Science has proven shit and you’d know that if you stopped reading the news.

Allow us to lead you into a foray of the Modern Jackass in practice: CBS News and its story, “Pill Users Choose ‘Wrong’ Sex Partners.” Granted, Les “Gimme Your Fingernails” Moonvest and friends, cover their bases with the adroit location of quotation marks, but the salacious intent of the headline is clear – Yo, progressive chicks, watch out with that oral contraception because you’re f’ing up God’s plans for your womb room.

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Orangina and the Marxist Conceit of ‘2 Sexy’

August 25, 2008

Too sexy seems like one of those irrational complaints, like this is “too good;” you’re moving “too fast;” and that shawty is “too trill.” Sexy is sexy. It’s the intangible ability of something to arouse within us a psychosomatic response of an illicit nature. Sexy rubs up against taboo. Sexy is an allusion to the forbidden. Sexy is sexy and anything sexier would be risque. How, then, could something ever be too sexy, so sexy it supersedes the inherent limit of sexy as a term? Easy, if it exists in the sexless UK.

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Preemptive Kibosh: “Denvercrats”

August 25, 2008

 

We know the Democratic National Convention is about to get under way in Denver today, and normally that’s license for CNN to employ all sorts of puns and portmanteaus from “Obamaniacs” to “Barrack Star,” but we want to intercede where we can and preemptively put our foot down.  The knuck if you buck stops here.  The term “Denvercrats” is dead in the water.

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From Goofus to Gallant to Glory to Gold

August 24, 2008

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the 2008 Summer Olympics end and the football season gets under way, it’s time we look at the two most salient athletic heroes of today: Michael Phelps and Eli Manning. Read the rest of this entry »