Modern Jackass Profile #1: The Wine Snob

On occasion, we here at MoJaMa like to take a second and recognize the Modern Jackass in our midst.  Today we pay homage to that dick face everybody hates but but must tolerate with civility: The wine snob.

You know who this person is.  This person pours over the wine list when you’re out to dinner, taking his or her time as you wait patiently to order.  This person sincerely pontificates on the effect warm currents and chinooks have on the malleability of grapes.  This person has the gall to lecture you in your own home on the reasons his wine key is better than your cork screw.

This prototype of the Modern Jackass usually culls his or her knowledge from specials on the Travel Channel.  Or perhaps they bought books, studied hard and sampled prodigiously.  Most likely, though, they were once waiters forced to learn about wine during remedial review sessions to better aid customers in search of suggestions.

As they say, a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.  The least informed are often the most forceful in their opinions and God help you if you admit to knowing less than the wine snob.

“A SPANISH Chianti?!  That’s rich!  I’ll have to put that in my blog!” he’ll laugh.

“A Bordeaux with fish?  Why don’t you just urinate in my mouth!” she’ll say.

“You brought a Kendall Jackson ’95?  Was the Greg Norman Cabernet not on sale?”

The Modern Jackass is all around us.  You call him boss, husband, acquaintance or dad.  If there’s anything worse than not knowing, it’s pretending you do.  Leave that for the wine snob.  Comeuppance goes great with Merlot.


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