If you are reading Modern Jackass, you are probably already familiar with thie work of statistician Nate Silver. After all, just last week, the man was on the Colbert Report, and has been featured on NPR as well.
Over and over, it shows the same result:
The shriveled, impotent, genital-warty Experience of John McCain just simply can’t compare to the Turgid Beast that is Obama’s Statistical Lead and the Dangling Two-Fisted Nutsack that holds the twin eggs of his responsible domestic and foreign policy.
Silver, using some kind of magical statistical package (and the presumably gigantic package twixt his legs) weights polls based on their past performance, then bundles them together and runs 10,000 simulated nation-wide elections to see who is most likely to get the magical number of electoral votes (270 I believe) that leads to POTUS-hood.
These packages make us swoon. Right now he is predicting a 94.9% chance that Obama takes the White House. The length and girth of this lead, not to mention the depth of Obama’s penetration into swingin’ Swing States like Pensylvania, Virginia, and New Mexico, is downright pornographic.
And like porn, fivethirtyeight does nothing to slake our true thirst. It only makes our desire throb more persistently.
This desire will find its release ad On November Fourth, if Silver is right, a cascade of blue left-wing love juice will spurt forth from the polity and drip down the Electoral Map.
Let’s hope this erection lasts until the election.