Writing Dirrty: How to Write 30 Rock, Part 1

Welcome to our latest installment of how to write your favorite TV shows.  Today we’re going to tackle the Jack-Liz relationship of the A plot of an episode of 30 Rock.  It should be noted we have absolutely no qualifications to tell you how to write an episode of 30 Rock other than when you spend as much time as me sequestered in your apartment avoiding phone calls and ordering thai food you end up watching a lot of your favorite shows.

The key points to keep in mind to recreate an episode of 30 Rock on your home PC are these:

– Insert a political joke

– Insert a joke about pop culture

– Insert a joke about femininity*

* This final rule can be replaced with a joke about race, class or gender in general.

Let’s begin. 

Our scene between Liz and Jack takes place at first outside then inside Jack’s office at 30 Rock.  The camera is hand held and the dialogue clips along.

Jack: Lemmon, you look more tired than usual this morning.  Was it another late night of watching Ellen on the TiVo dance awkwardly to the hits of Onyx?

Liz: Psh, no.  There was an Anthony Bordain marathon on the Travel channel.  He went to Basque country, Jack.  Basque country!

Jack: Pull yourself together, Lemmon.  Behind those doors sits the most powerful man of the Democratic National Committee.  They want my advice on the best way to embalm Jimmy Carter.

Liz: Jimmy Carter’s not dead.

Jack: Exactly.

Liz: Why you?  You’re the most staunch Republican I know.

Jack: Thank you.  I’d compliment you in return but I don’t know how to nicely say you have egg mcmuffin on your neckline.  Now, I need you to come inside with me and use your feminine wiles and frilly hippy tops to prove GE is a politically neutral corporation and that its subsidiary Shtyngart Embalmings of Pasaic, New Jersey can handle the job.

Liz: Absolutely not.

Jack: There’s a $200 bottle of Spanish Rioja in it for you, and I’ll tell you about the time I saw Anthony Bordain take his shirt off and smoke a cigarette while insulting a Guatemalan bus boy.

Liz: Let’s stuff that Peanut man.


Be sure to tune in next time as we tackle how to fabricate an awkward moment out of nowhere in the Office by having Steve Carrell’s character intentionally misunderstand the premise of a popular reality show.  Wife Swap in the office?  Oh how the hijinx will mount.

4 Responses to Writing Dirrty: How to Write 30 Rock, Part 1

  1. rock out with yer clock out, Flav says:

    I think the Times just printed some article about a study that goes something like this: happiness is inversely proportional to the amount of TV that an individual watches. Based on personal experience, I’d have to generally agree with their findings. No one can prove if watching lots of TV makes you unhappy, or if unhappy people generally watch more TV than those who are happy. My conclusion is this: happy people are happy because they have a life, so they don’t need TV to keep them company. In part because I haven’t had a real job for nearly 2 months, I’ve seen lots and lots of TV recently, and I’m not particularly proud of that.

  2. rock out with yer clock out, Flav says:

    If you were waiting for the witty redemption at the end of the post above… it’s not coming.

  3. Liz Lemonazi says:

    That’s so accurate you could send it in and be writing for that show TOMORROW. I should know…

  4. Spritney Beers says:

    it’s the egg mcmuffin line that does it.

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