Annotated Lyrics for “Dear Gossip Girl”

As with their earlier jam, Olafur Eliasson, NY’s Southern Mothers tend to lace their lyrics with references that celebrate the art of rap rather than denigrate it.  They don’t rely on couplets for easy jokes and their thoughts often span a length longer than a single line.  Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to tell exactly what they’re saying since their syntax is more complex than Marc Ecko.  To make it easier we’ve put together an annotated version of the lyrics to the most recent Modern Jackass / Southern Mothers collaboration – “Dear Gossip Girl.”

I can’t figure out a better way to do this with pop-ups so forgive the format.  My notes are either linked in blue or included in red.



X O (the tag-line for the show’s titular character, Gossip Girl)


Ever since you spotted Serena at Grand Central (how season 1 begins)

Ya sexy voice been drivin’ my mind mental

You’re my one and only source into scandalous lives (another portion of Gossip  Girl’s prologue during the show’s title sequence)

I never seen ’em, but I bet you got some fabulous thighs

Achin’ for you trachea, lustin’ for your folds (all parts of the throat, voice producing parts)

Wanna praise your epiglottis ’til my new money’s old (same)

I haven’t felt so attached to a voice without a body

Since I heard Orson Welles read Rikki Tikki Tavi (Gossip Girl is never seen in the show and we know her only through her voice over)

Voiceover, voiceover on my TV

Who is the finest man ya never ever seen? (Snoop Dogg/Slick Rick – Lodi Doddi – spelling?)

Yes, me, et mon ami et nous parlons francais (english translation: Yes, me, and my friend, we speak french)

Gulfstream ya off to Paris and order a soufflé (Gulfstream makes G5, jet bart bass flies)

I’ve got a trust fund bigger than Henry Paulson’s (Henry Paulson was the Treasury Secretary under Pres. Bush.  Congress trusted him with a massive bail-out package that notoriously came with little over-sight, hence the trust)

Wouldn’t send our maids’ maids’ maids’ kids to Dalton (Dalton is another Upper East Side school that supposedly competes with the fictional school the Gossip Kids attend)

I got a J.Press scarf and some J. Press socks

I sail my J. Press yacht out of my J. Press dock (J. Press is often associated with prototypical Ivy League style and is a favorite of GG character Chuck Bass, particularly during season 1)

Bet ya three Dorotas I could make ya happy (at a point in the show the characters used Dorota the maid’s services as bargaining terms)

Bake you pumpkin pies sweeter than two French pappies (Blaire’s gay dad live’s in france, her fondest thanksgiving memory is of his stellar pumpkin pie)

If I could dine with any person, alive or dead (Dean Barabee of Yale Admissions asks this question at the Probatuer (latin? spelling?) at his pre-admissions cocktail party)

It would be with you…


I know you like your secret we can keep it

I want to give you things, girl, big, big things, girl

No one’s ever gonna love you

Like I do, girl, you know you love me


Ya sweet Sirens are calling, tuggin’ at my rudder (Sirens are characters of Greek mythology that wooed men with their voice)

Hope you don’t stand me up, first date at Butter

I’m a common American—Poof! I’m a Duke!

Poof! I’m a Sheik!  Sploosh! I’m a Fluke! (a love interest of Serena’s Blair’s at one point lied about his identity, concealing that he was in fact a Duke)

Sashimi, see me and you, at NoBu

Pour ya green cap soy and order the fugu

Datin’ outside the box, gibsons at Victrola (Victrola is the name of the burlesque bar Chuck Bass purchases.  It is filmed on location at the Box theater in NYC)

Onions bad for ya voice, garnish with Ricola

Gossip Girl Update: E-Blast off to the moon, (the show keeps its characters in the know with frequent E-Blasts of gossip)

Summer on lunar craters, call you Claire de Lune (Claire is a character from Heroes, which also stars the voice of Gossip Girl, Kristen Bell)

No Vespas (Vanessa rides a vespa…i think…and Serena rode one around italy), no subways, never with the Jitney

Stretch black leather for the gala at the Whitney

Live the gilded life, as my gilded wife (the Gilded Age was a time of New York decadence in the late 19th century as popularized by the stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald)

Louis V peep toes and be my stilted wife (in high heeled open toes) (Blaire notes, Louis V peep toes, always right)

sleeping blind off, cucumbers on (Blaire, a GG character, often sleeps with a sleeping blind) (Cucs were present at SAT spa at blaires)

Rufus been making waffles since early dawn (Rufus, a father of 2 main characters, is always seen making breakfast in the show)

Have me wall my street journal and you your French vogue

Kopi Luwak affogato coming a la mode (Kopi Luwak is mentioned in the show)

Text message: update: I’m a hungry reptile,

I won’t scare the cat, call me Lyle the Crocodile

Hear your raspy alto, gotta rip off my blazer

Play John Kerry: you be my Bro I’ll be ya taser

You’re my fresh croissant, feel like butter inside

I wanna eat poisson, in your upper east hide (sexual innuendo)

I got vexed by ya text, ya send ’em to the world

Let me get inside that oyster and I’ll lace you with some pearls (sexual innuendo)

Put some stars upon thars and we can play Sneeches (Dr. Seuss went to Dartmouth where Dan hopes to attend.  He tells Nate to speak to the Dartmouth rep about Dr. Seuss to break the ice)

Drink each other up, sex on East Hampton beaches (the Sneeches also live on a beach and are an allegory for class and discrimination) (Dan and serena spend the night together SEX! on a beach in east hampton after the vitamin water party)

You can be my plus one, at the Vitamin Water party (During the summer, there is a vitamin water party in the hamptons)

I got essential endurance for the Triple x naughty (Essential, Endurance and XXX are each Vitamin Water flavors)

Strip off your clothes with a C and klothes with a K (Lilly married both a Claus with a C and a Klaus with a K, they tease her)

Got a closet big enough for Asher Hornsby! (Asher Hornsby is a gay character on the show who was ignominiously outted)

Fly the freakiest skies—push the G5 throttle (Bart bass flies G5s)

Toungin’ ya down, with—uh—honey gelato (in Hey Lover, LL Cool J fantasizes “toungin'” a girl down with vanilla ice cream)

Get Medieval with each other when we at the palace (the Palace is an uptown Hotel on the show)

Put my phallus in your chalice? Now was that too callous?

Want what’s best for you, why won’t you come out the dark?

Never burn down your dreams with Georgina Sparks


Nate Archibald’s a gigolo for Catherine the lady

She got more libido than Agnes got crazy

What a yummy cappuccino—Ooh! Thanks Vanessa!

Hope ya dirty Brooklyn hands don’t muck up my French pressa!

Da Vinci’s prouder of Serena’s mammary

Than Nelly Yuki’s granddad is proud of his family

Captain coke sailin’ with a Dominican dominatrix (Howard “Captain” Archibald is Nate’s father is a coke addict and fled to Dominica to escape the authorities)

My heroine lover’s the Architectress of the matrix (Gossip Girl creates a complex digital web of gossip that dictates the lives of the show’s characters)

Blaire in a negligee; Serena in a nightie (Both are oddly more often than not in these undergarments)

Got a Tom Ford tux, Lagerfeld whitey tighties

Love-Love, Serena and Venus, Mars, Veronica (Love-Love is a tennis term.  Serena and Venus are the Williams sisters of Tennis.  Veronica Mars was played by Kristen Bell, who is the voice of Gossip Girl)

Wimbledon courtside, servin’ stellar gin and tonicas

Voice blarin’ like a headband, ya bigmouth bass (Blaire often wears head bands, and Bass is the last name of a prominent family in the GG world)

Be This American wife as my waspy Ira Glass (Ira Glass is the host of the radio show This American Life)

Let the lonely boys stop and smell the errant roses (Gossip Girl often refers to Dan Humphrey as “Lonely Boy,” while Serena’s most recent boyfriend was named Aaron Rose)

Box seats at The Garden, One Oak until it closes

Standin’ in line or on line Serenea gave the wrong line (Online because the show uses the internet and text messaging as plot devices/ Serena has a dark secret involving a line of cocaine)

Don’t need a flight from Tokyo for me to love you long time (Chuck bass can’t get it up, has a flight attendant from tokyo come by to “clear his pipes”)

Got class like grace Kelly, you flyer than a parakeet (Blair calms herself reminding herself to maintain her cool, be classy like Grace Kelly)

A rebel with the keys call me James Dean Barrabee (Dean Barrabee is a college Dean that can confirm or deny admission for one of GG’s characters, essentially giving him the “keys” to his or her future)


Girl you know you love me



Step out of the shadows and into the light

My money pits lonely and cold at night

Just tell me G.G., three words, eight letters

Wanna be your rock, girl, be your steps a the Metters (Where Blaire and her crew often lunch, and a prominent music theme written by the Transcenders for the show)

You narrate Our Town but I’m not in the cast (a play written by Thornton Wilder that details interactions of characters in a single town)

Going Wilder with envy, each Gossip Girl blast

Got me Gatsbied up like my name was Jay (Great Gatsby)

Searching for green lights, but it’s red all day

Just meet me at Beatrice, don’t turn me into Dante (Beatrice is a Manhattan club as well as a character in Dante’s Divine Comedy)

Reach across the aisle, donkey meets elephante (Democrats and Republicans)

Ya drip inside my ears, sweet poison for a king (Hamlet)

Ya killing me, boo!  Ghost! I hear ya sing

It ain’t just physical, I want you as my soulmate

True love unseen, ya dig? Now be my mole-mate (moles can’t see and are therefore blind to everything, including love)

But it’s a fantasy it won’t come true (another line LL Cool J uses in Hey Lover)

I’m getting drunk off ya gossip so I see double you (Gossip Girl is on the CW network)

The Ostroff center won’t even treat my heartache (Ostroff is a treatment center in the show where Serena’s brother is kept for depression)

‘Cause every time walk away or run away you take

A piece of me with you, yeah (the chorus to Rufus’ one hit with his band Linkin Hawk)

14 Responses to Annotated Lyrics for “Dear Gossip Girl”

  1. Mattson K says:

    I like that “The Issues of Degrassi” is the first related blog that comes up. Anyway, stillpoint’re dead

  2. […] here to read the annotated lyrics to “Dear Gossip Girl” — believe me, it makes more sense when you read […]

  3. Meeri says:

    Amazing how much you can read into their stuff =) Thanks for this! Although I think you missed the one about the gibsons and onions… (gibsons at victrola)

  4. sybil says:

    is online actually a ref to the fact that New York/New Jersey people say “on line” to mean “in line” as in , “waiting on line”

  5. I adore examples of articles that have been written, and especially the comments posted! This can be a

  6. sex says:

    merci pour ce post ! thank’s ! (sorry for my english i’m french !!) 🙂

  7. i love reading this article. Very good attribute to all info ive read.. //J

  8. Excellent post in addition to good style, is this a normal theme?

  9. Whitley Pavy says:

    Satisfactory blog, some interesting information. I remember 9 of days ago, I have found a similar post. Does anyone know how to track future posts?

  10. Domme ladies makes me so haèèy , why dont you post some more?

  11. Waldron says:

    I really like their voice and the music is great! But seriously KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON!!! YOU’LL GET MORE? RESPECT

  12. Hey could I quote some of the insight found in this post if I link back to you?

  13. I liked your site. I’ll add it to my feed reader. Oh and some pages looked weird on my computer. Maybe it’s time for a change ! I’ve been told Chrome is a good one, what do you think ?

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