Our chatus is on fire with our boy DZ finding out that Freida Pinto, or “Latikaaaa!” as Dev Patel calls her, was once engaged to the dude above.
We know, Latika’s the sexiest woman alive at the moment due to the success of Slumdog, but let us briefly defend Rohan Antao, her ex-fiance.
First, the marriage could have been arranged, since that is not an unfamiliar practice in Indian culture. However, its popularity among younger generations is less and less common.
Second, that dude is a baller. Look at that shirt. Hooters? Do you know what you have to do to get a Hooters t-shirt in India? Come to America. That’s what. So you KNOW the dude is liquid, buying roundtrip tickets on Continental with stacks of rupees in the bank.
Third, as I’ve been told by Smeezy, the Indian Tucker Max, the prettiest girls have the lowest self-esteem and Indian girls have none at all. You do the math. Thank you, post-colonial inferiority complex!
DZ wasn’t the only one wondering what Freida was doing with Rohan. Apparently, Freida herself wasn’t sure. According to Rohan:
“She decided she didn’t want to be with me any more. She said she wanted us to be friends. But how can I be when she has destroyed my faith in love? She is infatuated with Dev. I don’t know if they were having a sexual relationship but if I came face to face with him I would have things to say. This is a very hard time for me, because as much as I don’t want to let go, I have to. I wish her success in her career, but I can’t watch the Oscars, and I don’t want to watch the film—it wrecked our love.”
That’s just called “Making it Big,” Ro. Roll with a fine girl and you risk her moving up at your expense as she gets more successful. Ask Chad Lowe.
As you mend your broken heart, console yourself with the fact that you at one point in your life probably held Freida Pinto in your arms, ran your fingers across her finely-defined eyebrows and whispered, “Pyar karta hun.”
Now you get to sit alone in the dark and listen to “Latika’s Theme” on loop, reflecting on the irony that in the movie, the slumdog got the girl, and in the real world the guy who played the slumdog got yours. Damn, life’s a bitch.