On Monday, John Mayer sat down with Ellen and ripped a version of Lady Ga Ga’s “Just Dance.” During the break down, he suggested someone splice in an inspirational moment from Pres. Obama’s Inauguration Address so that, in Mayer’s words, the inspiration of the speech can mix with the inspiration of the dance floor and come together to create a euphoric moment in the club. Naturally, we complied as best we could. It’s the least we could do after illegally downloading his music for all these years.
If you are reading Modern Jackass, you are probably already familiar with thie work of statistician Nate Silver. After all, just last week, the man was on the Colbert Report, and has been featured on NPR as well.
Over and over, it shows the same result:
The shriveled, impotent, genital-warty Experience of John McCain just simply can’t compare to the Turgid Beast that is Obama’s Statistical Lead and the Dangling Two-Fisted Nutsack that holds the twin eggs of his responsible domestic and foreign policy.
After Barack Obama announced Senator Joe Biden as his choice for running mate the media lauded the selection but warned of future challenges. “He will put his foot in his mouth once or twice on the trail,” pundits said of the loquacious senator from Delaware. Well, we know it’s going to happen, and we’re okay with that. After all, it’s with fondness we reflect on Sen. Biden’s racial assumptions that the most noticeable contribution South Asians make to America is by opening Dunkin’ Donuts franchises and selling lotto tickets at every Seven-Eleven.
What we cannot tolerate, however, is the “I Told You So” field day the media will have when Biden makes his inevitable gaffe(s). They’ll drive home their smug prose with headlines composed of forced puns and expect us to smile at their wit. Well, we won’t, Mainstream Media and to steal your blunder thunder we’re going to put a preemptive kibosh on any of the following Headlines.